"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path."
~ Buddha
If I was a betting man and I could only give someone one mindset to ensure that they failed, it would be the victim mentality. There is nothing more debilitating than this “poor me” mentality. You carry around this story of all the different reasons (excuses) and circumstances that have led to you living this painful, unhappy and unfulfilling life. Everyone and everything under the sun is to blame for your misery. The Universe is always plotting against you and there is no way things can turn around unless your luck changes.
Maybe a rich, handsome ‘Prince Charming’ will come into your life and rescue you from your wretchedness. Maybe you will meet a ‘Wise Guru’ who can solve all of your problems and save you from your misery. Maybe you can win the lottery and then you will be rich and free of financial stress and worry. Maybe you will wake up one day after purchasing that gimmicky diet pill or exercise equipment and have the body of your dreams. It sure is nice to dream after all.
However, the above are not dreams, they’re fantasies. What’s the difference between a dream and a fantasy? A dream is like a vision you have that you believe you can achieve if you put your whole body, mind and spirit into it. A fantasy is a vision that you do not believe you can create yourself, but has to happen to you by luck or chance. Dreams are helpful to creating a life that you enjoy, after all, you need to know what you love before you can begin working toward creating it. Fantasies, on the other hand, are a complete waist of time and what’s even worse, they weaken you. Fantasies lead you to believe that what you want out of life is not within your power, but instead, lies in some outside force which you have no control over.
The key to getting rid of the victim mentality is by taking complete ownership of your life through the practice of self-responsibility. Remember, You Reap What You Sow (no one else sows for you). You must hold yourself accountable for all that you have chosen and created in your life – the good and the bad. Yes, bad things are going to happen to you which are out of your control. Guess what? You are not alone – everyone faces adversities and challenges. However, it’s how you respond to these challenging circumstances that counts.
Are you not sure if you have this victim mindset? Try doing the following journaling exercise. Sit down in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed by anyone. Write down your greatest (meaning biggest and best) dreams. What does your best life look like? How do you carry yourself? How do you treat yourself and others? What have you accomplished? What legacy are you building and leaving behind? During the process, listen to your inner-dialogue. Are you making excuses? Are you ridiculing or laughing at yourself? Is your inner-voice building you up and supporting you or is it trying to knock you and your dreams down?
This exercise will shed some light on your current mindset. It will expose any self-debilitating belief structures that are set in place which is the first step in making positive changes. Please note, no matter how strongly this victim mindset is engrained in you, you can overcome it. The more you stop using it, the more it atrophies. At the same time, the more you use the ‘If it’s going to be, it’s up to me’ attitude, the stronger this mindset will develop. Remember, if you want to succeed at making your goals and dreams come true, be careful not to fall victim to the ‘poor me’ mindset (see what I did there?).
Your V10 Health Coach,
Sal Crispo P.S. If you are interested, I also make a coaching video for each of these posts on YouTube. You can subscribe to my YouTube channel so you do not miss out on any of the valuable content I share. Here is the link for this post: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoiOMEzSbvE
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